the temuduga season

p/s: hey post ini panjang, sila jangan baca kalau setakat nk baca separuh, dan stop. lebih baik habiskan kalau dh mula 🙂

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this whole week was hectic. too busy with projects, assignments, test etc. and also it was the week for career placement for final year final semester student like me. there are a lot of career talks, booths and exhibitions and the most important is the interview session that was held from the beginning of the week till today. everyone was eager, energetic and full of boost to seek for placement after grads this december. some went to try their luck with the walk-in, while some just fulfilling the needs to go as their names was shortlisted for the interview. whilst people going here and there hunting for jobs, i took the silent initiative. i had done nothing for that. pity me. i dont know why, but due to some reasons which i will tell later, i’m feeling like the pririority of my life now is to devot to whatever work i have in hand now. they need to be settled before the end of next week.

after one temuduga and another, banyak cerita, gossip, feedback and keluahan orang-orang kedengaran. as a far observer (because i didnt take part in that battle), i am interested to know whats going on during the interview sessions. banyak cerita seronok, sedih dan kelakar kedengaran. aku pasang telinga la, sambil memberi komen-komen membina, serta kritikan-kritikan membunuh (tapi dengan niat membakar semangat sebenarnya 🙂 ). banyak modal yang aku dapat untuk menulis di blog ni, tapi mungkin sedikit yang dapat dikongsi sebab banyak juga yang dah dilupa. maklumlah, orang melayu, tambah lagi aku banyak menonton aksi-aksi panas dalam gossip girl dan greys anatomy. ok2, back to the story. i had sat with both sides, means the petronas sponsored and the non-bonded student. banyak yang aku dengar, and i wrote them in the eyes of the beholder lah kan..

the petronas-cant-decide-student eyes

most of my kengkawan serumah, dan kengkawan sekelas was pet (not pet haiwan kesanyangan, tapi pet=petronas). macam orang lain, they had the same opportunity for the interview, so they went. yang sedihnya, most of the company that came to this career placement program was looking for non pet student. frankly said, they didnt want to select pet people to work with them since petronas will create difficulties later, as per they say la. kesian la kami budak-budak pet, belum apa-apa dh kene reject. ade kawan aku yang menunggu untuk inteview dari tghr smpai petang, and happened to get interviewed by 6 oclock, disuruh balik bile die ckp he’s a pet. aduyai. kesian gle.

tu tak kira yang baru pegi, tulih borang, and terpampang atas borang tu “select bonded or non-bonded”. bondage betul. mmg sah-sah la kalau ade cmtu, derang nk tolak dak-dak bonded kan. dh la kene reject mentah-mentah cmtu, petronas pulak skng ni x beri ape-ape jawapan. rumours said interviews for placement in petronas will be held in january, ntah betul ntah idak. and the thing that concerning me more is, dak-dak pet cant choose the area of interest when working with petronas. they’ll just pick and throw you wherever they think they’ll need you. gile tertekan cmtu. ade point dak-dak pet yang pegi interview sbb derang interested in the area of works for the particular company, but kalau nk interview pon x diterima, apatah lagi nk diterima bekerja. sadis amat bukan?

budak-budak pet asek mengeluh disana sini, kesalkan kenapa mereka sign kontrak itu 5 tahun lepas. susah dapat kerja, kene paksa kerja tempat tak minat dll. tapi apa pulak kata dak2 non-bonded?

eye of the non-bonded

non-bonded here particularly mentioning dak-dak mara lah, since yg lain tu (eg: jpa, ptptn etc) tu sgt manority. aku boleh je nak jadi bias sebab aku dak petronas, tapi sebab kawan-kawan aku bukan semua dak pet, plus i had the privillage to talk and selami perasaan mereka. tukar tune ckp jap, jadi budak mara sebentar hehe.

do you guys dak-dak pet sedar that, in the past 4 years, mara student had been suffering because of the little amount the received every month, yet you still can whinning x cukup duit la, pet kedekut la. dh la duk sini free takyah byr hostel. pikirkan balik ok. banyak kelebihan korang berbanding dak-dak mara, tapi masih mahu bising-bising. regarding the interview, yes memang betul most of the company were looking forward to hire non bonded student, tapi sedar x kamu yang kadang-kadang kehadiran kamu dalam interview banyak memberi impak kepada perjalanan interview. while pet student can secure their places in petronas with good salary, dak-dak mara still have to struggle to find jobs of their own. susah tu. ade aku dgr drg cakap-cakap, dak-dak pet yang pointer power, active in cocu etc, nk gak berebut attend sume interview yang ade. sampai company-company kecik pon nk belasah habis. bukan kah selfish namamya begitu. dh pointer power, sure ade ade kompeni best-best akan ambik if  not petronas pon, but still nk rebut pegi interview kat kompeni yg bayar rm2000 je. wth? kasi lah can kat orang-orang yang betul-betul memerlukan. kalau kamu buat begitu, kamu overshadow dak-dak yang lemah, dan mereka sah-sah akan dipush aside.

ade yang ckp, i just want to gain experince, or to market myself, or test power. memang betul itu hak kamu nk buat begitu dan no one can deny it, tapi perlu ada sedikit kesedaran dan sikap prihatin kepada orang lain. dak2 bonded yang belum ade pape mungkin boleh diconsider, tapi kalau dah sah-sah ade placement tu, jangan lah sangap sgt nk test power smpai menenggelamkan orang lain yang lebih mempunyai kepentingan. kang kalo aku ckp selfish, marah pulak dan kamu katakan tidak. tapi sikap begitu memang ade sedikit mementingkan diri.

my lens my eyes

sudah penat bercakap pasal orang lain. perasaan aku perlu juga diambil kira. honestly, over the past few days, im feeling jeleous yang teramat sangat, rasa inferrior dan kerdil. its not that i am lack of qualifications or not capable of attending the interview, tapi banyak perkara yang aku pikirkan. satu, aku tidak cukup bersedia. ya lah, kerja terlalu menimbun, resume pon belum finalize. lagi, aku sering berkata im not interested in oil and gas business, but i know that pusing tang mana pun, i need to get involve in that area since i am a product of utp. i am an automotive guy, so i dont really interested in the lines of oil n gas companies that offer placement this week. dia cakap, grab je apa yang ade dlu, jangan memilih sangat sebab skrg ni semua uncertain lagi. kalo nk ikut kepala aku, ntah dpt ke tidak kerja. betul juga. entah lah. aku bingung kadang-kadang.

perasaan yang aku akan ditinggalkan oleh orang-orang tersayang disekeliling juga membuat aku tak senang duduk. people around my circle was few steps ahead of me, and they are slowly gaining chances over chances, but im still stood statue here. i dont even give it a damn try pun, and it hurts me. i kept pushing people to go, persuading them to do their best, and support them, but i did nothing for myself. pikir-pikir balik , im tooo insecure with myself and my state now. i am happy when people told me that they are going to the next stage, being recognize etc, but deep in my heart i feel soo small and thinking of how stupid i am not to fight along with them for the placement.

i am more than excited when they tell me that they are going further, they can get through to the next level. i am happy for them, even happier when i can see them bersiap in the morning with nice shirts and pants and i give some words of wisdom. tapi dalam hati, siapa yang tahu. aku terfikir mengapa bukan aku yang berbaju segak begitu. dan untuk menyedapkan hati sendiri, aku pikirkan bahawa itu bukan kehendak aku, bukan bidang yang aku cari, meskipun aku tahu, aku sepatutnya mencuba segala peluang yang ada. biarlah. ingin aku ceritakan kepada sesiapa, tapi aku tahu tiada tempatnya untuk aku mengadu. its better for me to face the fact, and move on. tak elok whining2 kata dia. hanya nirzan.wordpress yang setia menjadi pendengar bisu keluhan aku.

im writing too long today. kang muak pulak orang nak baca. haha. biarlah, janji aku puas. sekarang mari kita siapkan resume, dan aku nk shoot kepada rolls royce, jaguar dan bentley. mungkin ada tuah aku diterima haha. aduh, berangan lagi. cermin muka lu sendiri apam~yang ada depan mata tak cuba, yang jauh dimimpi~